Birthday card

Today is Wesley’s birthday and it is both incredible sad that his chronological clock is forever stuck at 37, like a malfunctioning watch whose hands are stuck but it is also really joy filled. Because we loved parties and always made a huge deal out of his birthday. Wesley loved a good time and his birthday was one more reason to eat cake, have balloons and open presents. Which he loved. Seriously, he loved giving and receiving gifts so much that he would not wait until a holiday to do it. It often felt like Christmas 365 days a year. So my gift this year to Wesley is saying some of what I would have told him on his birthday. Here goes:

Dearest and Darlingest Wesley,

No, I did not actually buy a birthday card which will not surprise you because in all 12 years we were together I think I got my act together once with a birthday card. But this year I might have really done it because Julia can write her name really well and would love writing a note to you. Possibly in cursive otherwise known as squiggly lines that you have to guess what they say. So, just imagine this is a card with Spider-Man on it or something.

I love you and miss you terribly. I miss you so badly that I could not bear to be at home on this day because having July 14th appear on my calendar without you was too much for me to face. So I am out of town and enjoying the sun and cool weather and thinking of you looking down on me and Julia.

I am imagining what we would be doing together if you were here. We probably would be out of town together, Savannah perhaps or New Orleans but I would have tried to have us get away for your birthday. But we would have had a party. My mother would have bought you a shirt. Because she always bought you a shirt. Every holiday. You wore them to please her and it did. Your parents would have called us at midnight to sing Happy Birthday. I would have complained about making your favorite cake, angel food cake with chocolate icing because invariably I always ripped the cake to shreds getting it out of the pan. It would have been so much fun.

But today is very different. I will go to the zoo with Julia because you would have liked that if you were here, I will drink a Manhattan and eat at Maggiano’s tonight because we loved that and celebrated your birthday, my birthday, the day I found out we were pregnant with Julia and other special occasions there. But I fear the food will taste markedly less good because you are not there.

People often say that the happiest day of their life is the day their child is born and it certainly was ours, but I equally rejoice in the day you were born because when you made your way into your parents life you changed mine as well. We were so happy together and I am blessed to have had you with me while I did.

Julia asked last night if you were going to have some cake in Heaven today to celebrate turning 38. She hoped Jesus had enough candles and sprinkles for the ice cream. I think He has it covered.

In Ecclesiastes 11:8 the Bible says, “However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.” And you enjoyed every day here on Earth.

I love you darling and wish you the happiest of birthdays.

Love always,



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3 responses to “Birthday card

  1. Kristy

    I’m continuing to lift you and precious Julia up in prayer. In Christ,
    Kristy Sasser

  2. laura

    I am thinking about you and praying for you and Julia today.

  3. God bless your efforts in attempting to share what has become unfamiliar territory to our age. My husband was 38 yrs old when he lost his life on the job almost three years ago, when a platform he stood upon collapsed and he fell into – well, he drowned. It was horrific, in fact it made national news on CNN. I did not watch then or now. I do my best to erase that image to the world of a death he had no choice in. He was in the right place, doing his best for his family and himself. Negligence of another cost him, and me, and the rest of us, his life.
    I read your guest post on Facebook’s Life as a Widower titled ‘Having Faith’ (was struck by the C.S. Lewis quote referring to a man drowning that can’t be saved). I too have faith and cannot imagine how others exist without it. God sustains me. He has worked miraculously through me and for me over these past two plus years. Still, not a day or more honestly I should say moment, passes that I don’t desire and almost expect him to appear alive and well, to stay and live out our lives together as we hoped!
    So many things have occurred and I continue to have ups and downs, but God spoke to me once as I poured tears & I remind myself often of this, “Larry is great, he is with me; you (and the kids) are good.” Suddenly peace took hold and I knew beyond all else that God is in control.
    I have ‘issues’ regarding scriptures I feel failed me, such as “He shall dwell long upon the land that the Lord thy God has given thee.” God understands my feelings, forgives and sustains me.
    I do apologize for the length, but I thank you for sharing.
    Prayers for you and yours~

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