Today is Wesley’s birthday and it is both incredible sad that his chronological clock is forever stuck at 37, like a malfunctioning watch whose hands are stuck but it is also really joy filled. Because we loved parties and always made a huge deal out of his birthday. Wesley loved a good time and his birthday was one more reason to eat cake, have balloons and open presents. Which he loved. Seriously, he loved giving and receiving gifts so much that he would not wait until a holiday to do it. It often felt like Christmas 365 days a year. So my gift this year to Wesley is saying some of what I would have told him on his birthday. Here goes:
Dearest and Darlingest Wesley,
No, I did not actually buy a birthday card which will not surprise you because in all 12 years we were together I think I got my act together once with a birthday card. But this year I might have really done it because Julia can write her name really well and would love writing a note to you. Possibly in cursive otherwise known as squiggly lines that you have to guess what they say. So, just imagine this is a card with Spider-Man on it or something.
I love you and miss you terribly. I miss you so badly that I could not bear to be at home on this day because having July 14th appear on my calendar without you was too much for me to face. So I am out of town and enjoying the sun and cool weather and thinking of you looking down on me and Julia.
I am imagining what we would be doing together if you were here. We probably would be out of town together, Savannah perhaps or New Orleans but I would have tried to have us get away for your birthday. But we would have had a party. My mother would have bought you a shirt. Because she always bought you a shirt. Every holiday. You wore them to please her and it did. Your parents would have called us at midnight to sing Happy Birthday. I would have complained about making your favorite cake, angel food cake with chocolate icing because invariably I always ripped the cake to shreds getting it out of the pan. It would have been so much fun.
But today is very different. I will go to the zoo with Julia because you would have liked that if you were here, I will drink a Manhattan and eat at Maggiano’s tonight because we loved that and celebrated your birthday, my birthday, the day I found out we were pregnant with Julia and other special occasions there. But I fear the food will taste markedly less good because you are not there.
People often say that the happiest day of their life is the day their child is born and it certainly was ours, but I equally rejoice in the day you were born because when you made your way into your parents life you changed mine as well. We were so happy together and I am blessed to have had you with me while I did.
Julia asked last night if you were going to have some cake in Heaven today to celebrate turning 38. She hoped Jesus had enough candles and sprinkles for the ice cream. I think He has it covered.
In Ecclesiastes 11:8 the Bible says, “However many years a man may live, let him enjoy them all.” And you enjoyed every day here on Earth.
I love you darling and wish you the happiest of birthdays.